My sister called me Saturday to tell me that my mother, who is now 86, has been moved to the terminal wing of the hospital. Today, a greeting card box full of pictures arrived in the mail. The earliest pictures were taken shortly after my birth in 1956 and the latest were taken shortly after my daughter was born in 1986.
I last spoke with my mother in August, 1988. Since then, she has declined all my efforts to see her or speak with her. That hurt more than I can begin to express in words.
I hope she gets better and lives happily until she is 92, as did her mother. If she doesn't, I hope her passing will be peaceful.
I wish I could say I will miss her ... but I've already missed having a mother for over 20 years, now.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel at this point. I just don't know.
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Remember years ago when we went to that bonfire/ritual? That was a remarkable experience for you, wasn't it? You were letting go of her.
I don't know the story between you and your mother.
I am estranged from one of my sisters right now (you know the story). She is facing surgery soon and will need help, but will not reach out to me. I find I can't reach out to her, until she talks to me about what she has done and realizes why it was wrong and the impact it has had on our family. She will be OK after surgery - it is nothing life threatening, but I feel bad that I won't be there to help her the first few days she is home. We all make our choices.
I sincerely hope my sister does not let this go on for too long - before all ties are broken.
Yet, within a family are the ties really every broken? At some point maybe I will feel that it is time for me to contact her. Not now, not soon, but someday.
I will never regret the last months with my father, as difficult as it was.
Here is my advice for whatever it is worth.
Go see her. Now. Don't ask if you could go, just go. If she refuses to see you, that is her choice. At least you will always remember you tried, you made the effort. If she does see you and is not nice, again - you tried.
Years from now you will be glad you did. That I can promise you.
Oh, sis... What a difficult time for you and your family. Whatever happens & whatever you do/don't do - hugs to you. (odd - the verification word is "rabies")
Be well, be strong, be of good spirit...
Me, again.
On the other hand -
To thine own self be true.
You will do the best thing for YOU.
Thank you both so much for your support. I learned today that my mother (Erika) is NOT in a terminal ward. She is old and sick and frail, but could live quite some time yet.
I think my well-meaning sister may have hoped to engineer a reunion; drama runs in the family.
The best thing for me to do is let it go. I have a wonderful life; I've hurt deeply and healed well. I have bouts of self-doubt, but in the end, I will only act on this if/when it feels right to ME (as you both have counseled).
I value your opinions, your advice and your friendship. Thank you so much!
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