Choosing what to believe

"Fat and happy" is a phrase I've known and heard all my life. My own experience, especially in my young adulthood, seemed to reinforce the truism that those two attributes go hand in hand, inevitably.

I'm aware that I have evidence of the power of my mind. Visualizing clear, unscarred skin above my eyebrow a few years ago ... along with regular, mindful application of vitamin E/ calendula / lavender oil plus commercially-famous Mederma ... has yielded amazing nearly-scar-free healing of the injury I received when a windblown door crashed down on me at a rummage sale. When one sees other scars I've sustained, when I ignore injuries, it's difficult to believe this scar-free healing is even possible. But mindful choice has its rewards!

Therefore, I'm edging toward another mindful choice ... one that I need to sidle up to rather than confront head-on, lest I scare it (or myself) away. I'm edging toward focusing mindfully on forming for myself a *realistic* body image.

I'm too happy in my life to want to risk throwing it away, in case the "fat and happy" axiom is true for me.

But I'm edging toward believing (and believing is the first step toward realization) that I can be this happy and *not fat.* Creating and sustaining a realistic concept of the size my body is right now ... might be a step in the right direction.

For a start ... this is me, at the end of August 2008. Happy, and ... let's just say, "heavier than I'd like to be."